ROXXXY The Sexbot – Every Virgin’s Demented Fantasy
Before I start my massacre on this – Please pop on Smokey Robinson’s – One Heartbeat (Can be found at bottom of post). VERY fitting for this article.Looking to get your kicks off you fucking Virgi-Nerd? For only $6,495 you can own your very own self-loathing, pitty slam-bot; ROXXXY – The SexBot. Yup you heard it right, that’s only 325-less “Black in Back” DVD’s you won’t own, or 26-less real life herpe-encounters with Shirl-He whom you found on Craigslist at 3:34am last Wednesday night. Well worth it if you ask me. It is an investment after all.
Actually now that I think of it I’d rather get Chlamydia 26 encounters over than belittle myself to fucking a plastic doll. Its highlight features, taken directly from the trucompanion.com website are as follows:
“Knows your name, your likes and dislikes, can carry on a discussion and expresses her love to you and be your loving friend. She can talk to you, listen to you and feel your touch. She can even have an orgasm!”
Wait, wait, wait… Am I missing something here? IT’S A FUCKING ROBOT. I don’t care how much of a whore you are ROXXXY, no matter what pre-programmed response you give me, YOU’RE A FUCKING ROBOT. Jeezus… What the hell ISN’T this world coming to?!?
Let’s analyze the situation here:
I’m trying to engage in a deep conversion with a machine that sounds like Professor Milosevic from Son of the Beach (total-turn on eh?). Just imagine how annoying it must be speaking to this thing if you have let’s say – a lisp… or a heavy British accent. Ya, let’s go with British accent:
English: “I want to feel your tit..
British: Uh wan ta fil ya tut”
Doll Translation: I want to floss your tooth?
Your British Response: NO – Uh wan ta FIL ya TUT!
Doll: I water Phil’s tooth?
Over and over again. And you thought those Time Warner automated response system were bad… And god forbid it starts chasing you with some floss and just so happens to strangle you to death… Oouuu – Death by floss by a $6500 rubber fuck buddy that you paid for. Now that’s some shit!
Let’s move onto the other features – Expresses her love to you and can be your loving friend? My father can’t even express love to me nor be my loving friend – why would I think A RUBBER SLAMPIG could!? Should I take a bath and take out my sail boat and pretend this rubber-baby is my yellow ducky from when I was 5? I don’t know about you, but I’d be pretty damn scared having a lifeless piece of plastic chasing after me trying to hug me and professing its love to me.
Now don’t even get me started on the orgasm… OH OH OH OH OH – In a really creepy computer-voice. Ummmmm… Your trying to unleash your thunderous DNA-package to this? I sure as fuck wouldn’t be capable. Call it stage-fright I guess.
Added features when ordered: hair color, eye color, lipstick color, eyeliner, eyeshadow, hair style. A.k.a. However creepy you want to take this thing.
The great thing about this whore is that you can make her the type of bitch you’ve always dreamed of while left-shifting, right-clicking.
“In addition to her base personality, Roxxxy ships with these additional preprogrammed personalities:
• Frigid Farrah – She is reserved and shy
• Wild Wendy – She is outgoing and adventurous
• S&M Susan – She is ready to provide your pain/pleasure fantasies
• Young Yoko – She is oh so young (barely 18) and waiting for you to teach her
• Mature Martha – She is very experienced and would like to teach you!
You can build your own additional Girlfriend Personalities:
• You can add to the 5 preloaded girlfriend profiles and your Roxxxy’s personality. You can also change the existing 5 personalities to better suit your preferences!
• Share your girlfriends with your friends by swapping them back and forth online! For example, you lend your custom built girlfriend “Sexy Sally” to one of your friends online – but he can only “use” her until Sunday morning and then she needs to be returned to you! Until Sunday morning, he can “engage” your girlfriend by using your Sexy Susan personality with his Roxxxy sex robot! You also have the option of sharing your girlfriends with everyone in our forum if you would like. You will also have access to everyone else’s girlfriends, if they allow them to be shared!”
The more I research into this piece of scrap metal, the more disgusted I get. If you are retarded enough to buy this thing, you have to take it one step further and swap robots with your friends!? GROSS. ROXXXY, you really are thee ultimate gangbang whore.
Why don’t all you dorks just save a few bucks, build your own little circle of truth over Bruce’s house and run train everyday on her artificial orifices? What’s the point in everyone shelling out $6,500 each, when you are just going to swap ROXXXY’S “personalities” anyways?
Now if you’re feeling super-duper pathetic and lonely, and /or like to swing from both branches of the tree of decrepit-ness; also available for purchase is ROCKY. Base length starts at a staggering 8 inches, and will fill you all the way up to 14!! You Go Gu-irl!
*Added Bonus – it has been confirmed that they are making a SHE-MALE version of this robot-chicken. Not even commenting.
Reports speculate that ROXXXY isn’t mature enough at this point in the game to bring out to a classy restaurant, but is perfectly suitable for the likes of an Arby’s or Micky D’s. Ala Lars and The real girl anyone?
Tags: lars and the real girl, nerd, robot, roxxxy, Sex, sexbot, truecampanion.com
lars and the real girl, nerd, robot, roxxxy, sex, sexbot, truecampanion.com,
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...
96 views
